September 4, 2014
My precious ones
I write this to you because you are on my mind so
strong. I hope you are both doing
ok. I’m not doing so good right
now. I just can’t stop thinking of you
both and how I so much wanted to spend time with you in your growing up
years. I feel so helpless and sometimes
wonder if I should not fight for you, but then my mind and heart goes to
thinking of what that would put you both through and I don’t want you to go
through any more pain. Losing your daddy
was a big enough pain. That I know. It’s the worst pain I have ever felt in my
life. Losing you both was right there
with it.
I so wish your mom and grandparents were different. I wish they could begin to understand what
they have done to us by keeping you away and I wish they knew what they have
done to YOU BOTH as well, by keeping you from YOUR FAMILY. You both have lost so much with us; your
grandparents, your aunts and uncles and you cousins. They love and wish so much you were in their
lives. There is so much joy to share….joy
I so wish you were a part of.
This is not how I EVER wanted to communicate to either one
of you but it is all I have. I think, I
write, I pray, I hope. I have sent you
cards, but I know that you have never received them….so I am doing this
instead. This so you know you have NEVER
been forgotten.
The only thing that is keeping me sane is my faith….my faith
in God…In Jesus. I pray to him all the
time. I pray to him to keep you both
safe, to learn the love of our Lord, to know the love of you precious Daddy, to
know the love of this family that so longs to be with you.
My heart aches. I don’t
know at what age you will read this, but I hope it is sooner than later. The love of a mother is huge and should not
be selfish. Moms for sure are not perfect;
no one is on this earth. That is why I
choose to “forgive” the past. Letters
were not intended, but what was intended was total and complete love for you
both in person. I only so wish that had
been. Dear God how I miss you both with
every being of my soul.
Your Grandpa John is now 71 years old. I hope and pray he sees the day when he can
wrap his arms around you. I worry so
about this with his age. He’s lost his
son; your daddy; and he longs to see you both.
Time is a sometimes a friend but sometimes an enemy. We can only pray that “time” can be a friend
of ours to reunite with you both.
All for now. I love
you so very much,
Always & Forever
Your Grandma PJ
